I love these kinds of maps and I think you've done an excellent job of capturing the old pen and ink style found in many older books. Is this actually done with pen and ink? (I can't imagine doing it in some computer app) Did you use any kind of references for the buildings or draw them purely from imagination?
How big will the final map be when printed? I'm only wondering because if it's at the full size we see in the enclosed map it should work, but if it's smaller I think the text might be hard to read (or maybe not, since it's for a children's book.